Dear, Diary

Hello diary,

I feel the need to write to you today, as if you were a person. I have fifteen days before my dissertation is due and I am feeling the stress. Somehow, I have managed to hide and store my stress in small cupboards that litter my mind, but unfortunately, stress manifests itself in material forms for me. I didn’t sleep again last night, although I managed to meditate and stay in a rested place for most of it. I’ve experienced another eczema flare up (what’s new) and am covered in itchy spots all up my arms and neck. I am so bored of eczema and not sleeping– i’m longing for Summer days full of splashing in the sea, exploring the coast, driving around with my windows open and music on, laughing with my pals and feeling free. I am thankful that I am in Bath today at university instead of being stuck in my room feeling bad and tired. Spring is on the horizon and despite waking early this morning in a over-tired state, it felt nice to see the arms of the sun reaching out to me through the curtains of Mollie’s bedroom.

I went out with my Cornish girls last night for Mollie’s birthday, we didn’t drink or stay out late instead we had a relaxed catch up and were all in our pajamas by midnight. All of us are living the dream of tired out third year students , eh? I can’t imagine how I am going to feel when I hand in my dissertation let alone finish university in May. There’s a change on the horizon and I am in need of some new projects, some of which, I will discuss with you now.

I recently watched an art programme on television about painting. I want to paint again and draw. It is such a therapeutic process of sitting in silence and using colour and space to explore your consciousness. I feel a bit trapped in my own head in Bristol at the moment, as do a lot of people, so its time to start getting out there again. Poetry and art are my outlets and that is what I am lacking at the moment. I can’t beat myself up too much as I have been very busy with university so its sometimes hard to factor in time for yourself, but man, do I need it.  The likes of Virginia Woolf, Anais Nin and Kate Tempest are anchoring me to this earth at the moment.

I’ve got to run to a seminar now but I will start writing more on my blog, little updates here and there to keep myself sane.


I’m bald and I feel brilliant!

The winter days have taken a toll on myself and my wellbeing recently. I feel that I have succumbed to the inner Bridget Jones in myself and have been lazing around in various areas of my flat, always holding a tub of Ben and Jerry’s and wearing my all-in-one pyjama setBeing a twenty-two year old has really hit its all-time greatness, and I love it. The turbulent pubescent years have definitely been usurped by my older self who loves drinking too much beer and falling asleep before midnight. I may not be as fresh-faced as my eighteen-year-old self but I certainly now enjoy the smaller things in life. Like ice cream and fluffy socks when it’s cold…

[Sidenote, as I am dairy-free my boyfriend found the vegan Ben and Jerry’s and as I really don’t like chocolate ice cream he found the walnut and banana one called, Chunky Monkey, which I feel is an appropriate name for both myself and the ice cream. I recommend it to anyone, dairy-free or not, the banana is really strong so it seems to mask that soya-plant flavour some dairy-free ice creams have!] 

Anyway, let’s avoid the ice cream tangent and let’s speak about my most recent venture: shaving all of my hair off for the charity, Alopecia UK. My aim was to grow out my hair for as long as possible and then shave it off for charity, but not just for the money, to raise awareness of the auto-immune disease that is alopecia. It is a disease that makes your immune system fight itself, targeting hair follicles meaning hair loss of all kinds. I experienced a small amount of alopecia when I was about fifteen, and it was absolutely horrifying to have clumps of hair in my hands whilst having a shower. Fifteen-year-old me wanted to be normal, not bleddy bald. My family are sufferers of auto-immune diseases, I also have chronic eczema and my mother has no hair on her head. Hang on, let me rephrase that– we are not ‘sufferers’ we are ‘fighters’.

Importantly I want people to know that if you have no hair or scaly skin it does not make you any less worthy or beautiful than the next person. We all have imperfections that we spend our lives digging at, whether it’s me clawing at my own skin and waking up with gashes on my face or my mother who has had no hair for the past twenty years. At the end of the day, we are only human, right? Anyway, I did the deed surrounded by my lovely friends and now I have a grade three buzzcut, the shortest hair I’ve ever had; but guess what boys and girls, this is the most feminine and liberated I’ve ever felt.

I feel more myself than ever with short hair. I feel sexy and girly, which is strange as society loves forcing into peoples mouths that we must have long hair, flawless skin, be a size 6 and wear makeup to be a woman. Well, a real woman to me is someone that can stand against that and laugh. I hate how much as a culture we forget to just smile and laugh at ourselves, I mean, look at me– I started this blog post about dairy-free ice cream.  Altogether, we managed to raise £650 which is mind-blowing, it really shows the power of people coming together. I also think I drank about fifteen-thousand shots of tequila, which I paid for in my own way the following day.

Basically, I just want to take this time, this space, these words and letters to ask you to breathe and take a step back from the craziness of the world. Yes, winter has been long and cold for me with my ups and downs but sometimes we all need reminding to just remember how brilliant you are, how far you’ve come, every day you grow older and wiser. We make mistakes and they bleddy suck but if we didn’t make mistakes or do wrong, how would we ever know what is right? If any of you are having a down day or a bit of a lapse, treat yourself. Cook yourself some delightful food and sit in your PJs, go for a bike ride in the rain or pick up your favourite book. Do something for yourself, my head shave wasn’t just to help others but also to give me the boost to DO more and not be afraid of what others think and say of me.  Ladies and gentleman, boys and girls you are all beautiful and fabulous in your own ways, go get ’em; go and get yourself some nice ice cream before I say ice cream one more time in this post.

My next venture: dye my hair peroxide blonde and carry on wearing my gangsta chain, maybe call myself Slim Shady and rap my spoken word. Talk about being a dreamer…




Your hair’s ruffled, messed from sleep
tiredness seeped into your muscles
eyes drowsily shut

and that’s when I knew I loved you


It’s been a long time since i’ve written a diary entry on my site, I think since coming back from my four month travel expedition I’ve been so busy with ‘life’ in general, I haven’t really allowed my self time to reflect and write.

I have been through a very perplexing month in view of my life choices. I’m nearly twenty and although I am very aware that I am still young, I’ve been stumbling on choices that will lead me to different adventures and it’s been to hard to pin point what I really want. I’ve always wanted to study English Literature and Language at some point in my life. I’ve known that for a while, but since being back home I’ve just wanted to run off to different countries and have crazy adventures. With a lot of deliberation I came up with ideas like studying in Australia, or working in New Zealand for a year by myself. However in reality – I need to go to university.

I have a placement at Bath Spa university which starts in September. I worked so hard to achieve my A-Levels to get this place and I nearly threw it all away for another country. What I never realised was that I don’t HAVE to go on the other side of the world to get the relaxation I am yearning after.
This was achieved by jetting off to Amsterdam for a quick few days away. My friend and I planned nothing, just bought some flights for £70. That money could have been spent on a train up to London let alone a flight to another country. Once I was there, my shoulders dropped and my smile came back. A very relaxed, happy state of mind I seem to only gain from travelling.

Why am I saying this? The point is, I’ve missed out on Europe. Europe is such a beautiful and diverse place that I completely dismissed. I don’t have to go on a twelve hour flight to the other side of the world to feel like I am travelling, I have the whole world on my door step. So with that, Eloise and I have booked another trip to Switzerland to see our travel buddies. I can’t wait! It’s amazing the motivation it gives you.

I’ve also stopped worrying about money twenty-four-seven. Let’s be honest, as long as you are not silly and use your money wisely (like paying bills ect) and keeping some aside, you really can do anything. You don’t have to have thousands to travel, just a couple of quid for flights, fun and trains really. Let’s be honest, if I’m surrounded by the mountains of Switzerland I hardly care if I have a pristine double en-suit bedroom. Give me a bed on a floor and I am happy!

Including Switzerland that’s 8 countries in 8 months (from January to August) Not bad eh?

Rose Crown

run little one run free

run fast and strong my daisy

spread your little petals

stamp and glide through the nettles

jump over the wild thorn

over meadows my sweet fawn

for the ring does not fit your finger

no more do these bad thoughts linger

the necklace snapped apon your skin

the chain links broken; metallic and tin

the guitar strings struck a familiar sound

flashing a hurt so deep, so round

stop, daisy! be careful of the rose crown

it’s led by dark raven’s and a goul’s frown

just run little one, run

don’t carry this pain, it’s neither fruit nor fun

my little cherry-cup, rouge butternut melody

don’t look behind you, run free

that face in the shadows behind the woods

does not carry wealth or flower goods

little pip grow to your hearts content

for that’s what the crown has sent

face forward towards the sun

because what has happened, is done

enough with the temptation my dove

run away flower, run away from love.

Midday Monday Memories 

Do you remember when you smiled at me across the bar?

Do you remember when you said “I will always be there, no matter how far?”

Do you remember when I hugged you and I said you smelt like coconut shampoo?

Do you remember when you said you loved me, but it wasn’t true?

I remember when your smile meant my day

I remember when your hands made  me at loss of words to say

I remember when you wiped tears from my eyes 

I remember when we never had to worry about deciet, fear or lies

I remember you.

Do you remember me too? 


Contours of hips and collarbone,
As morning’s hot sun sneaks
Her lackadaisical light to your skin tone,
A warm heart: an orange leak

Your smile so decalescent, searing
It’s memory impressed like a hot iron
Melting, cooling then nearing:
Roaring like he the alpha lion

Into the fragments of my fidelity,
The V so perfect a W so profound
Letters unobscured to clarity
Silence falls, there’s little sound

Two pairs of green eyes wearily close
Body burrowed to a chest
Of contours so sweet she chose
And their dazed day, laid to rest.

Maroon Temple

The single full rouge glass:
Matched with crowed substances
Blurred unclasped brass,
Statues of two ghost’s absences
Soul littered from a single letter –
A character contrived of a brushstroke
An art so sweet for the better
Of our hearts entwined around an ancient oak.
This isn’t denial it’s merely nature
Aid me Mother for my heart has crumbled
He is not lost: but I am so
A forfeit of a maroon wine, humbled
Like a dandelion in the grass left to grow;
Your tongue conscious of my name
The letter’s languish a Lillie,
Which wilt at your way of honeyed flame

Sir your careless, beautiful, and wandering act
Has captured my fingertips,
Knitted into capsules of your true fact
Yet again I write of an unknown script,
Unsure of where this may lead
A facade of muddled eight lined stanzas
Will you ever know that I agreed –
That your hinderance holds my hidden answers

In the palm of your hands,
In the knuckles of my knowing
In the man-made broken sands,
In the stem of the flower that is growing
In the deep dark liquid of a ship’s mast,
In the maroon temple of a girl’s past
In this single full rouge glass.



I thought it would be fun and sound impressive to make a list of the different sea’s I have swam in (in no particular order) –

  • Indian Ocean
  • Tasman Sea
  • South China Sea
  • North Sea
  • Mediterranean sea
  • Gulf of Thailand
  • South Pacific Sea
  • Atlantic Ocean
  • Celtic Sea
  • English Channel